above ground, and new plans ...

    as usual, I'm still alive, and kicking ... nothing has changed much, my cancer is still taking second place to the pain meds ... 

   the pain is more frequent, of course, and worsening, but the meds are keeping it bearable ... 

   my girlfriend of 13+ years has finally accepted my marriage proposals, which is great for me, I am very, very happy to hear her finally say yes ... so, on the 27th, we are getting married here at our apartment by my longtime friend and Pastor ... it is really nice of him and his wife to come all the way here to do our wedding, it is MUCH appreciated ! ... 

   I feel kinda bad that I'm cheating Loralee out of a church wedding, but going out would just take too much out of me, I'm afraid ...  the one time I had to go out a few weeks ago, it really beat me up, I felt wornout for a couple days after ...

   so, we will cram eight people into our tiny apt., and make the best of it !

   the last few days, I've been getting a little apprehensive about making it till the 27th, as things have been accelerating, but I think I'm gonna be OK a little longer ... after all is said and done, it ain't up to me !

   I was thinking, what a great ring bearer Sybil would have made ! ...

    

just wake me when you're ready !

   
   I will try to post up again after the wedding, and if my shy, blushing bride will allow, I will put up a pic or two of the nuptial festivities ...
 
   thank you, Loralee, you have made me happy, and I love you,
        

                               

against all odds ...

   here I am, still pluggin' away ! ... against all odds, I'm still alive, and doing pretty well, considering ...

   I can feel myself slowing down, and every now and then, I get a pang of sharp pain to remind me of the cancer ... but, overall, my painkillers are keeping me from suffering, and while I've felt better, I can't complain ...

   as the pain worsens, my meds are bumped up gradually to compensate ... right now, I am taking ten Methadone pills (100mg) every 8 hours, and I have liquid Morphine for 'breakthru' pain, which is squirted under my tongue with a little syringe ... it doesn't seem to work as good as the Methadone, I have had to bump the dosages, beginning at 5mg per dose, to 15mg now ... probably by tomorrow or the next day, I'll be up to 20mg at a time, and can repeat that hourly for now ... 
   I try to put off the dosage increases as long as feasible, no sense in building a tolerance any quicker than necessary ...

   liquid Morphine tastes nasty, for sure ! ... 

   I usually smoke some pot a couple times a day, which has been a pretty reliable substitute for the morphine ... I'm surprised by that, actually ... I've smoked pot my whole life, well, over 50 years, anyway ... while I have had a Kalifornia Medical Marijuana recommendation from a Dr. for several years, I never really thought of it as a good painkiller, I used it more to fight depression (which was an EXCELLENT use for pot, in my case at least) ...

   so, I have been surprised to actually experience pain relief from my pot use, sort of a bonus ... I keep accurate notes regarding my drug usage, including the pot, and was surprised to see that after smoking just a pea-sized bit of pot, that my morphine use is stretched out to maybe 3-4 hour intervals, rather than almost hourly ... plus, it cheers up my overall attitude, rather than just an opiated, dull sedation ...

   watching the news this morning, I see that old Nazi Jeff Sessions, Attorney General of the United States, is once again calling for harsh punishment of the dreaded potheads, wants to cram all the old laws down our throats again ... 

   how much cash in political 'donations' do you receive every year from the big pharmaceutical industry giants, Jeff ? ... 

   Jeff Sessions is seriously trapped in the 19th century, or something, there's just something medieval in this clown's way of thinking ... if he has his way, I will only have heavy opiates for pain relief, no matter what I prefer ... when President Trump chose that idiot for AG, I almost gagged ... 

   ah, well, at least I am on my way out of this crazy mess, my worries are almost over ... the good Lord has so far seen to it that I have good care, from the outstanding help I get from my Hospice nurses and aids, to my supportive family, and most of all, my dear girlfriend, Loralee ...

   she has been deathly ill the last 10 days from this flu or whatever it is, that's going around, but her only concern is that she's been too sick to be waiting on me hand and foot ... 

   the best part, it gave me a chance to finally wait on her a little bit for a change (but, she doesn't get as 'needy' as I do, she's a lot easier to care for !) ...

                 ***********************

   Chicago Bears news: 'da Bears' suck !

   at least, after the worst seasons in our long history, 'da Bears' have fired our lameass Coach, John 'I never saw a game I couldn't lose' Fox ... I was afraid he's never leave !

   the Bears are now interviewing coaching candidates, and none of the names mentioned excite me ... well, Jon Gruden was my hoped-for candidate, but the Raiders offered him $10 million+ per year, and part ownership of the team, so I suspect their problems are over for awhile ...

   I'm gonna stick my neck out, and make a prediction for our next Head Coach ... since our Gen. Mgr. Ryan Pace came to us from the New Orleans Saints, and has been shaping the Bears in that mold to some extent, I am going to predict that Pace will bring Saints' Offensive Coordinator, Pete Carmichael Jr. to the Bears ...

   that's logical, and would be following the plan of grooming our rookie Quarterback, Mitchell Trubisky for the future ...

   good luck to 'da Bears', they're gonna have to go get a Super Bowl win without my help, but I will try to watch from the balcony ! ...

                   ***********************

   I'm only still alive with the Grace of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, no doubt in my mind ...