a big failure for me ...

   all the years I was a truckdriver, I was really proud to know that, despite mechanical breakdowns, crazy-bad weather, and God-awful road conditions, one way or another, I would always deliver ON TIME ... it was damned hard most of the time, and almost impossible other times, but I managed to prevail ... it was like my will-power pushed me, I don't know any other explanation ...

   I guess when you don't have a whole lot going on in your life, you focus more on what you DO have, and try to do your best at it ... at least, that's what seemed to work for me ...

   so, this last trip was a very sobering one, in that I failed, and I just have to accept it ...

   I left here on my first leg of the road trip, that being Arizona, on Sunday, right after church ... 

   I did OK for awhile, but it was hard to stay awake ... I got very little sleep Saturday night, as I would wake up with muscle cramps just a few minutes after dozing off ... I mean, EVERYTHING was cramping, every muscle I used to pack up the van ... that lasted all night long, so very little sleep ...

   I managed 377 miles, before I just had to stop ... at a tiny rest area in Nevada, I tried to sleep ...

   not happenin' ! ... I froze my butt off in the back of my non-insulated van, shivering for hours ... that night my tiny little travel trailer seemed like a 4-star Hotel, I'll tell you that !
    
   I could have made it all the way to my spot in Arizona, but it would be just too irresponsible for me to try ... I was concerned I would get there, and not be able to get back home ... that would really complicate things for my survivors ... 

   knowing your death is increasingly imminent gets pretty weird sometimes ... you find yourself more concerned about responsibility to your loved ones, and less about your own plans ... maybe that's just the way it's supposed to be ... 

   I do know, if not for feeling responsibility for my girlfriend, I would simply just keep driving, and die somewhere on the side of the road, I mean, who cares ? ... when I was still trucking, I realized I would never 'retire', I would just be found dead in my truck somewhere ... sometimes, having loved ones is a pain on the ass, you don't get to have as much fun as you used to, haha ...

   so, reluctantly, I texted my friends in Arizona, explained I was just too beat up to make it all the way down, and returned home ... I felt terrible, going home with my tail between my legs, but it couldn't be helped ... 

   the timing for the trip couldn't have been better, as for once, my relatives were all going to be home during my visit ... heck, I even have it on good authority, that Sybil heard I was coming, and took a bath !

clean & shiny !

    I have not yet decided what to do next ... I just CAN'T sit in the recliner, and rot away ... I rushed my AZ trip to fit into a slot between Dr. appointments, tests that mean nothing to me, and friends that would soon be leaving the desert - after all, it was getting HOT down there ! ... while I was freezing in Nevada, I knew I would be sweating like a pig the next day in Arizona ... the hot & cold changes were really gonna be hard on me ...

   so, while a road trip to Illinois & back MAY be do-able, to play it safe, I have to re-consider a possible train trip ... but first, I have to rant !  (I love to rant, as you know) ...

   first, and foremost,   AMTRAK IS A DAMNED DISGRACE !!! 

   there are 3rd world countries that have better train situations than we do, here in America ... I will admit, they seem to have gotten better about arriving within a few hours of the scheduled time, but that was never a serious concern to me ... you can only go so fast on the roller-coaster they call a track ...

   but, there is no excuse for the rudeness of AMTRAK employees ... they are in a class by themselves (a low-class, to be sure) ... they have their comfy Guvment jobs, (subsidized by the taxpayers), so they can do anything they want, and NEVER get fired or punished ... I won't go into the instances I have both observed, and been involved in, here, but I despise AMTRAK employees, even the ones I've never met, that's how bad they are ... RUDE, RUDE, RUDE ! ... is it so hard for them to be courteous to you, while they're ripping you off !

   (an old lady asks the A-hole working the 'snack counter' to reheat the lukewarm food he just handed her from the microwave - "nope, we're only allowed to use the microwave ONE time per purchase, no exceptions ") - what a load of crap ! ... I mean, what the hell does the old girl expect for her $5 'grease-on-a-bun', anyway ? ...

   AMTRAK - another FAILED Government Program ... 

   OK, rant over, I'm done (for now) ...

one last road trip ...

   I've been in kind of a hurry to bring the Blog up to date, as to what has been happening with me the last coupla years ...

   with that now done, I can ease up a bit ... the next few days, I will be busy packing my van, and getting ready for 'one final road trip' ...

   'one final road trip' - the same thing I assumed during the last 3 'final road trips' ...  

   having been told I only had 12-14 months to live (18 months ago), I drove back to my home town of Illinois 3 times in this period of time ... hey, sorry to be so greedy, OK ? ... 

   at least, I escaped the Kalifornia healthcare system for awhile, and got things done properly back east ...

   fortunately, while I was recuperating from my hip surgery in Illinois, my niece and Sybil fell in love with each other ... best way to describe it ... they are inseparable, and Sybil has been guaranteed a loving home for life, a relief to me that I can't over-emphasize ... when told I was a goner, Sybil's welfare immediately came to mind, I really worried about her ... 
   so, this situation has me very pleased, and confident Sybil will be well taken care of after I'm gone ... 

   PLUS, I get occasional photos, videos, and letters from Sybil - she has not forgotten her Daddy ! ...

   

this is one HAPPY girl !

lots of attention to the princess !

   a CITY DOG ?, or a WOLF LOOSE IN THE STREETS OF PEORIA !!! ? can ya believe it ? ... she adapted well, and sure likes the colder weather back there in Illinois ... she really suffered in the heat out west here, but now, she can't wait to go outside and lie on frozen ground ! ... whatever blows her fleas off, I guess !

           ahhhh, 26 degrees, MUCH better !

    back to the 'Plan' - I am heading to our old campsite near Parker, AZ, leaving here in a few days ... 
    depending on how I hold up, it is 'possible' I will continue on to Illinois, 'ONE MORE FINAL ROAD TRIP', but that decision will be awhile off, yet ... 
    
    it sure won't be the same without faithful Sybil by my side ... and, it sure won't feel as safe, either, because now I have to be much more attentive to my surroundings ... 

    'attentive' ain't my middle name, either !
    
    I will miss her 24/7 extra set of eyes and ears, and my own are nothing to brag about these days ... mostly, I will just miss looking over and seeing her sitting there in her seat  (I still haven't washed her old 'wet nose spots' from the inside of the windshield on her side) ... seriously, just can't bring myself to do it, the next owner can take care of that !

     so, I'll go to Arizona to camp for a little while, and see what develops, before deciding on the long leg to Illinois ...


 

back to work ...

    I'm back after my weekend off ... I was going to pause for the weekend anyway, but I happened to have a rough night on Friday, so it's just as well ... 
   normally, I sleep real good, but Friday night was an exception - I kept waking up, feeling short of breath, no big deal, but it was uncomfortable ...

   as I said in the last post, right after arriving in Peoria, IL at my sister's, I started serious nausea and vomiting ... right to the point of passing out ...

   my sister drove me to OSF's Emergency Ward, and they immediately started checking me out ... a CT-scan revealed a serious situation, requiring urgent surgery ...

   remember the brain cyst/tumor that, (despite my cancer history), was determined to be 'insignificant' by a Feather River Hospital 'Doctor' ? ... well, turns out, it was a 'colloidal cyst', blocking the area of my brain, where the brain fluids drain down into the spinal column - that's the best I understand the explanation ...

   a drain tube was placed into my skull to relieve any fluid pressure (and, here I was thinking all that pressure was just from having too much brains, or something) ... hey, it's MY story, I'm tellin' it the way I like !

   after a couple days of draining, I was told I was gonna have a second surgery, similar to the little drain tube I already had ... this second tube was to be placed on the other side of my head, and the brain surgeons would 'suck out' the tumor thru the tubing ... no big deal ...

   as it was, the surgery lasted quite a bit longer than expected, and found out afterwards, it was not 'sucked out', but was chopped up and removed a bit at a time ... either way, it was a success, and a biopsy was taken of the tumor pieces ...

   thank God, it was benign, and not cancerous ... they had no idea why it was there, and suggested it was something that may have been growing in there for years ... (all this time, I suspected 'brain bugs', but I guess not) ...  

    I spent another few days in the hospital after the surgery, no problems, but they wanted to get my sodium levels up ... as it was, my sodium was only down because I was drinking so much water, it was diluting my tests ... 

  

my new Frankenstein look !

        will blame the thinning hair on surgery !

   I returned to my sister's house to get some sleep (try getting sleep in a hospital, HA ! )

   after a couple days snoozing, I hopped into the van on October 3rd, 2016,  and headed west ... since it was beginning to turn cold, I drove the southern route, which enabled me to stop and visit friends that do the 'winter snowbird' thing in Yuma, AZ ...

    I took my time driving west, as I was still recovering from a couple holes drilled in my skull ...

   (one night, I was taking a nap in a little Missouri rest area, one of those with no facilities, mostly just a picnic area) ... a noise woke me up, and I looked to see a Sheriff's car checking me out ... the cop was walking around the van, inspecting it closely when I stuck my stitched-up head out the window and said " something wrong ? " ... when his flashlight beam hit my head, the poor guy jumped, and said " Man ! somebody really worked you over, huh ? " ... "uh, no, I had brain surgery a few days ago" ... haha, that freaked him out, for sure ... we chatted a few minutes, and he radioed in to have any cops passing by during the night, to keep an eye out for me ... 

  a really considerate cop, and I appreciated his professionalism ... 

  I arrived back in Paradise, Kalifornia on October 8th, and went back to my usual routine ...

  I see my cancer Doctor once a month, at which time I do blood labs, and get a shot in my arm - Xgeva, it's called ... it is to protect the bones, so the cancer does not once again invade them ... it normally costs something like $1500 for the monthly injection, but the manufacturer cuts the price, to where I only have to pay a couple hundred bucks per month ... still a lot of money, but it makes it possible ...

   as has been the case in my situation, the drug manufacturers only charge the crazy prices to insurance companies ... since I only have Medicare coverage, and my only income is Social Security, I qualify for the discounts ...

   for one year, I purchased a Medicare Supplemental Insurance Plan from HUMANA ... that was a TOTAL WASTE OF MONEY, and I couldn't wait for the required one year signup to end ...

   on 2 different occasions, HUMANA refused to pay for Authorized Covered Expenses, totally ignoring the 'Pre-Authorization OK' to get some medical work done ...  

   I postponed a neck MRI 3 times, refusing to get the test before I received Pre-Authorization from HUMANA - when the Pre-Authorization finally came thru, I had the MRI done, and HUMANA refused to pay ... period ... 

   where are the Attorneys, you may ask ? ... after at least TWO serious Mis-Diagnosis of my hip cancer, and the brain colloidal cyst, no Attorneys will touch it ...

   I called one of the country's top Attorney Law firms in San Francisco, (Walkup, etc.), the first of many I called ...

   while not taking my case, at least the guy honestly explained why not ... according to him, Kalifornia's current excuse for a Governor, Jerry 'Moonbeam' Brown, signed into law awhile back, that Malpractice suits are limited to $250,000, and since they would only get a percentage of that amount, it just isn't worth it to march into a courtroom and do battle with a hospital's typically large contingency of Attorneys ... 

   he suggested I find a 'local Attorney that's hungry', and see if he'll take it ... no luck there, either, seemingly Attorneys don't want to actually WORK to win a case, they just want money to be thrown at them, so they'll go away ...

   Feather River Hospital, of Paradise, Kalifornia is owned by the 7th Day Adventists, their 'Adventist Health' group ... I think it's safe to assume they have a full complement of Attorneys just waiting to stonewall incoming lawsuits ... we have sent them detailed complaints about the way they run their hospital, etc., but that always goes nowhere, of course ...   

   complaints to the Kalifornia agencies regulating hospitals, etc. reward us with occasional form letters, saying 'we're still investigating it', and asking for some piece of documentation to be sent in to them (for the 2nd or 3rd time, they seem to have a helluva time holding onto documents) ... 

   that's OK, Guvment jerkoffs, I'll be dead soon, and then you can go back to sleep ...

   meanwhile, I am watching the clock tick, and thanking the Lord that I have Him to see next ... I bet He will take my case !

   

MORE Feather River Hospital incompetence ? ...

    as I said yesterday, there's more to the story ... 

   before I forget, I want to mention the OUTSTANDING medical care I received from OSF (Order of St. Francis) Medical Center, based in Peoria, Illinois ... I've been in several hospitals in my life, and this was the BEST care I have ever received anywhere ...

   if I'm not mistaken, what with the economic downsizing of Caterpillar Tractor Co., OSF Medical Center is now the largest civilian employer in the state of Illinois ... everywhere you look, it seems, you see a branch of theirs ... that's good news, as they really take care of their patients ... 

   plus, as my 'medical records expert' girlfriend appreciates, their Billing statements are clear and understandable, and they were just as good as can be, in arranging affordable payments to pay off my Medicare balance ... (I just paid them off completely, a month or so ago - and, that felt GREAT ! ) ...

   after healing up for a short time at my sister's home, my major leg surgery was doing very well, so I climbed into the van, and pointed it towards Kalifornia ...

   I took my time driving back, and took a longer southern route to avoid impending winter weather ... plus, it enabled me to visit some snowbird friends in Yuma, AZ ... good friends, Canadians Harvey & Fran, and Twain, CA friends Pete & Joyce, drove out to my motel to have lunch with me ... that was really nice, and I enjoyed it a lot ... I love those folks to death ...

   my leg was doing quite well, and even to this day, it doesn't give me too much trouble - sore, yes, but that's OK ... if 'something' didn't hurt, I'd think I was dead !

   arriving home in northern Kalifornia in late November, I set up appointments with the Enloe Cancer Center, in Chico, Kalifornia ... while I have never been in their hospital, I was fortunate to get an excellent cancer doctor, and their cancer program is highly-rated ... it's affiliated with the UCSF (University of California at San Francisco) Medical Center ... 

   hmmm, wonder why they mispelled 'Kalifornia' ? ...

   I'm very lucky to have Dr. Randolph, the head of their cancer center, as my personal Doctor ... he is a great guy, and very much concerned with my care ... knowing I am not sensitive about my condition, and not fond of sugarcoating my health problems, he gives it to me straight ...

   there is no chemotherapy, etc., that applies to my situation, I'm too far gone, and he agreed with my prior Doctor's predicted 12-14 month prognosis ... that's all OK with me, I didn't have important anything planned, anyway ... 

   I left Sybil in Peoria to live with my niece, who has given her a most wonderful home ... leaving Sybil behind has been the only significant sacrifice I've made in relation to my cancer ... I miss her so badly, the most trusted and loyal friend I could ever ask for ... 

my loyal and lovable wolf-girl at 6 yo

   in fact, I have missed her so much, I've returned to Peoria about every 3 months since, to visit her ! ... yeah, I know, this relationship ain't normal ! ... the saddest part, my girlfriend didn't get to say goodbye to Sybil, as I had no idea about the cancer when I left Kalifornia ... I will always feel badly about that ...

   back in Kalifornia, my Dr. put me on a monthly injection schedule of 'Xgeva', a drug that strengthens the bones, hopefully to prevent further metasticis of the cancer ... it's a $1500/month shot, but I only have to pay a couple hundred per month for it (because I be po', ya see !) ... 

   also, he started me on another drug, sort of a chemotherapy-in-pill form, Votrient ... it was made clear to me, that this drug would NOT cure my cancer, but, it did have a reputation of 'slowing down blood vessel growth' in the tumor, itself ... 
   this drug costs around $15,000 per month, but again, since I qualify as low-income, the manufacturer provided it for free ... I'm glad I didn't have to buy it, as that stuff almost did me in, putting me in the Emergency Ward of Feather River Hospital twice ... I was in some BAD shape ! ...

   my second episode with the Votrient, on Feb. 10, had me ambulanced into FRH again, and this time, Feather River Hospital ran CT scans & MRIs of my head, too ... 

   the CT scan showed a 'lesion' in my brain, but the MRI didn't, I guess ... the Dr. in charge deemed it 'insignificant', and I was sent home ... (while it's possible discovery was noted in my records, I was not told about it, and it was a long time before I found out) ... man, I was really in BAD shape this time around ...

   because it was raising my blood pressure so much, Dr. Randolph reduced my Votrient dosages in late February, and discontinued it in March ...

   in mid-May, I made a 5,000-mile road trip to Peoria again, stayed about a week with Sybil, visited a sick friend in Detroit, and drove back to Kalifornia once more ...

   I re-started the Votrient at a very low dosage in June, but once again, the side-effects commenced, and by July 1st, I was taken off of it for good ... Dr. Randolph stopped it, not liking my liver numbers or my increased blood pressure ...

   on September 12, 2016, I hopped into the van, and drove back to Peoria again ... yeah, I know, I sure do drive around a lot for a dying man ! ... once a trucker, ..........

   taking my time, driving a few hours, then sleeping for a few more, I arrived on the 17th ...
   I felt good on arrival, but was tired of course ... on the 2nd day, I started vomiting, and then dry-heaving non-stop when I ran out of anything to throw up ... it wasn't much fun ...

   on September 20th, my sister drove me to good old OSF Medical Center, to see what the hell was going on ... 

   then, things really got interesting !