Spring approaching ?

   it looks like Spring may finally be coming, I sure hope so ... it should be in the 70's before the end of the week, and it will be most welcome ...

   I'm hoping to sit in the yard and read, get some fresh air and sunshine, for a change !

   I'm still holding up well, my meds have been adjusted to where my pain is held off, and very tolerable, plus, I don't feel the least bit sedated, or groggy, etc. ... I do doze off frequently, but that's as much from being idle, as anything else ... I'm not bored or anything, but I do spend a LOT of time just sitting and reading ... 

   while I'm so far blessed to have a longer life than my Doctors have predicted, I find myself getting greedy, and wanting just a little bit more, hahaha ... and, that's to be credited to 'da Bears' ! ... another year, another approaching season of hopeful success for my woeful Bears ... makes it harder to tear my self away ...

   this year, like so many seasons past, there is an abundance of change, just enough to give us poor Bears fans hope !

   we have a brand-new Coach and staff, a Quarterback with a bright future (we hope), and some genius moves on the Free Agency acquisition of key players ... 
   so many, in fact, that the rest of the NFL is starting to notice ... odds are, I won't be around to see the season play out, but keep me in mind, if and when the Bears break out with a good season ! ... Lord knows, we are due !

   another situation that has happened too frequently, is that we have one helluva tough schedule coming up ... I just can't make sense of the NFL scheduling, when they talk up 'parity' among the teams, and then schedule the long-suffering Chicago Bears against the toughest teams in the entire NFL ! ... not whining or complaining, just pointing out the facts ... when the Bears win, they definitely EARN it !
   
   'da Bears' are in for one helluva battle all season long ... we should receive some sort of 'never-give-up award', or something, just for showing up to play some of these teams ... but, I have a good feeling that some of the NFL's 'top-tier teams' are gonna be the ones to have some embarrassing games ahead when meeting 'da Bears' ... 

    go ahead, get your laughs out of the way now, because 'da Bears' are gonna be young, fast, and dangerous this year ! 

   

oh yeah, it's gonna happen !

watching the world spin ...

   I'm still alive, and still doing relatively well ... my cancer has grown, and spread around the body more ... that's what cancer does, so I guess I would have to say, all is going well ...

   my new bride has been an absolute angel, and takes very good care of me ... it's amazing how the good Lord has provided me with someone that loves me enough to put up with a crazy old fool, with not much to offer ... gotta say, I have really lucked out !

   I'm still feeling pretty good, I really can't complain ... I'm still getting around, and able to function for the most part ... I haven't been outside the apartment for a couple months, I guess, but that's OK ... the weather is looking more like Spring every day, so soon I will be able to sit outside, maybe even go for a short walk to our mailbox ... I love where we live, it's almost like a little park setting ... quiet, clean, and peaceful, I am very, very fortunate ...

   I am a rich man ... I have everything I need, and the sense to know I don't deserve any of it ... that's been the way things have gone since giving my life over to Christ, my Savior ... 

   oh yeah, I'm a real Bible-thumper, alright ... it's easy to be a Christian when you know you're dying, I won't deny that ...

   the best part of the whole situation for me, has been the fact that I have loved the Lord for a long time, well before I got the cancer, and saw my clock running down ... 
   
   I know the timing doesn't matter to Him, but it makes me feel like a little less of an opportunist ! ... mine has not been a 'foxhole salvation', but those are every bit as legitimate as any other, I'm sure ... so, if you feel an urge to accept the Lord, don't drag your feet, go for it ! ... there's nothing to gain by putting it off, and everything to gain by getting an early start on it ... accidents happen all the time, don't get caught up short ...

   whew ! these long-winded sermons are tough on my typing finger, I probably should give it a rest ... I think I will fix something to eat, and watch some TV, (I have the day off)

'da Bears' have added some very promising Free Agents these
last couple days, maybe THIS will be our big comeback season !
   
  

                       I sure miss this girl !

                                    soon ...

 

still hanging around ...

   yes, I'm still alive, still hanging around ... I am starting to feel more like a cancer patient lately, pain is increasing, and in more locations, but still under control ... 

   despite my pain meds, I'm completely clearheaded, and lucid ... the other day, Fentanyl patches were added to the recipe, and while I soon felt the difference it made , within 24 hours, I felt perfectly normal again ... evidently, the pain meds are balanced out just about perfectly ... I have enough medicine in me to fight the pain, but not so much as to affect my overall well-being ... 

   anyway, the old clock is beginning to wind down, and that's OK, has been expected for quite awhile ...

   our weather has been gorgeous lately, quite Spring-like for this time of year, I'm loving it ! ... sunny, and high temps in the upper 60s and low 70s, I will take all of that I can get ! 

   I occasionally get photos of Sybil from my niece ... Sybil is in wolfie heaven now, as there's some snow falling in central Illinois ... Sybil LOVES snow and cold weather ... with that heavy coat, I don't blame her, she is definitely dressed for hard weather ! ...

   I would really love to have one of her big warm, hairy hugs right now ! ... I am so grateful for the time I had with her, as well as my other dogs ... they were all major contributions to my life, no doubt about it ... the Lord sure knew what he was doing, when he designed the dog to keep us company ... man's best friend, you betchya !
   

just chillin'

    let's see, what else have I been doing lately ? ... oh yeah, almost forgot, I got married ... I GOT MARRIED !!!!!   hahaha, yes, after almost 13 years together, my girlfriend, Loralee, finally broke down and agreed to let me marry her ... I'm sure glad she did, too ! ...

   because of my poor health, we got married here in our tiny apartment so I wouldn't have to travel ... my Pastor, Doug McMaster and his wife Sharen, drove up and performed our service right here in the living room ...

   and, it almost didn't happen ... 

   just an hour or so before our wedding, Loralee drove to the store to pick up the food ordered for our little reception, and while she was gone, disaster struck ... 
   waking up with a headache that just wouldn't go away, I started out on the wrong foot right from the beginning ... before I could even feel it coming on, I immediately broke into a cold sweat, and the room started spinning ... by the time my fiance walked back in the door, I was almost unconscious ... we're talking VERY sick ! ... a few minutes later, our handful of guests started arriving, and I looked like hell, let me tell ya !

   Pastor Doug began the wedding ceremony, while I stood, too weak to even hold my head up ... his wife Sharen stood beside him whispering, "hurry, Doug, hurry" ... it would have been funny, if it hadn't been so desperate ! ... after the first couple lines, I had to sit down, just couldn't stand up any longer ... my Loralee grabbed a chair, and sat right next to me while Pastor Doug finished our wedding, and it was well worth the effort ...

   I will always regret Loralee not getting a more conventional wedding, but nothing about me is ever normal, I think she is used to that by now ... she sure is a wonderful wife, and I thank the good Lord for her every day ...
  

not done messin' up, I even had my eyes closed !

   isn't that something ? after almost ruining the entire Wedding, I couldn't even keep my eyes open ! ... but, Loralee's smile was just too beautiful to pass up, so I had to use this photo !  (I was daydreaming how lucky I was) ... yes, that IS a Chicago Bears shirt, what else ?

     

    

above ground, and new plans ...

    as usual, I'm still alive, and kicking ... nothing has changed much, my cancer is still taking second place to the pain meds ... 

   the pain is more frequent, of course, and worsening, but the meds are keeping it bearable ... 

   my girlfriend of 13+ years has finally accepted my marriage proposals, which is great for me, I am very, very happy to hear her finally say yes ... so, on the 27th, we are getting married here at our apartment by my longtime friend and Pastor ... it is really nice of him and his wife to come all the way here to do our wedding, it is MUCH appreciated ! ... 

   I feel kinda bad that I'm cheating Loralee out of a church wedding, but going out would just take too much out of me, I'm afraid ...  the one time I had to go out a few weeks ago, it really beat me up, I felt wornout for a couple days after ...

   so, we will cram eight people into our tiny apt., and make the best of it !

   the last few days, I've been getting a little apprehensive about making it till the 27th, as things have been accelerating, but I think I'm gonna be OK a little longer ... after all is said and done, it ain't up to me !

   I was thinking, what a great ring bearer Sybil would have made ! ...

    

just wake me when you're ready !

   
   I will try to post up again after the wedding, and if my shy, blushing bride will allow, I will put up a pic or two of the nuptial festivities ...
 
   thank you, Loralee, you have made me happy, and I love you,
        

                               

against all odds ...

   here I am, still pluggin' away ! ... against all odds, I'm still alive, and doing pretty well, considering ...

   I can feel myself slowing down, and every now and then, I get a pang of sharp pain to remind me of the cancer ... but, overall, my painkillers are keeping me from suffering, and while I've felt better, I can't complain ...

   as the pain worsens, my meds are bumped up gradually to compensate ... right now, I am taking ten Methadone pills (100mg) every 8 hours, and I have liquid Morphine for 'breakthru' pain, which is squirted under my tongue with a little syringe ... it doesn't seem to work as good as the Methadone, I have had to bump the dosages, beginning at 5mg per dose, to 15mg now ... probably by tomorrow or the next day, I'll be up to 20mg at a time, and can repeat that hourly for now ... 
   I try to put off the dosage increases as long as feasible, no sense in building a tolerance any quicker than necessary ...

   liquid Morphine tastes nasty, for sure ! ... 

   I usually smoke some pot a couple times a day, which has been a pretty reliable substitute for the morphine ... I'm surprised by that, actually ... I've smoked pot my whole life, well, over 50 years, anyway ... while I have had a Kalifornia Medical Marijuana recommendation from a Dr. for several years, I never really thought of it as a good painkiller, I used it more to fight depression (which was an EXCELLENT use for pot, in my case at least) ...

   so, I have been surprised to actually experience pain relief from my pot use, sort of a bonus ... I keep accurate notes regarding my drug usage, including the pot, and was surprised to see that after smoking just a pea-sized bit of pot, that my morphine use is stretched out to maybe 3-4 hour intervals, rather than almost hourly ... plus, it cheers up my overall attitude, rather than just an opiated, dull sedation ...

   watching the news this morning, I see that old Nazi Jeff Sessions, Attorney General of the United States, is once again calling for harsh punishment of the dreaded potheads, wants to cram all the old laws down our throats again ... 

   how much cash in political 'donations' do you receive every year from the big pharmaceutical industry giants, Jeff ? ... 

   Jeff Sessions is seriously trapped in the 19th century, or something, there's just something medieval in this clown's way of thinking ... if he has his way, I will only have heavy opiates for pain relief, no matter what I prefer ... when President Trump chose that idiot for AG, I almost gagged ... 

   ah, well, at least I am on my way out of this crazy mess, my worries are almost over ... the good Lord has so far seen to it that I have good care, from the outstanding help I get from my Hospice nurses and aids, to my supportive family, and most of all, my dear girlfriend, Loralee ...

   she has been deathly ill the last 10 days from this flu or whatever it is, that's going around, but her only concern is that she's been too sick to be waiting on me hand and foot ... 

   the best part, it gave me a chance to finally wait on her a little bit for a change (but, she doesn't get as 'needy' as I do, she's a lot easier to care for !) ...

                 ***********************

   Chicago Bears news: 'da Bears' suck !

   at least, after the worst seasons in our long history, 'da Bears' have fired our lameass Coach, John 'I never saw a game I couldn't lose' Fox ... I was afraid he's never leave !

   the Bears are now interviewing coaching candidates, and none of the names mentioned excite me ... well, Jon Gruden was my hoped-for candidate, but the Raiders offered him $10 million+ per year, and part ownership of the team, so I suspect their problems are over for awhile ...

   I'm gonna stick my neck out, and make a prediction for our next Head Coach ... since our Gen. Mgr. Ryan Pace came to us from the New Orleans Saints, and has been shaping the Bears in that mold to some extent, I am going to predict that Pace will bring Saints' Offensive Coordinator, Pete Carmichael Jr. to the Bears ...

   that's logical, and would be following the plan of grooming our rookie Quarterback, Mitchell Trubisky for the future ...

   good luck to 'da Bears', they're gonna have to go get a Super Bowl win without my help, but I will try to watch from the balcony ! ...

                   ***********************

   I'm only still alive with the Grace of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, no doubt in my mind ...