Tuesday, March 14, 2017

a big failure for me ...


   all the years I was a truckdriver, I was really proud to know that, despite mechanical breakdowns, crazy-bad weather, and God-awful road conditions, one way or another, I would always deliver ON TIME ... it was damned hard most of the time, and almost impossible other times, but I managed to prevail ... it was like my will-power pushed me, I don't know any other explanation ...

   I guess when you don't have a whole lot going on in your life, you focus more on what you DO have, and try to do your best at it ... at least, that's what seemed to work for me ...

   so, this last trip was a very sobering one, in that I failed, and I just have to accept it ...

   I left here on my first leg of the road trip, that being Arizona, on Sunday, right after church ... 

   I did OK for awhile, but it was hard to stay awake ... I got very little sleep Saturday night, as I would wake up with muscle cramps just a few minutes after dozing off ... I mean, EVERYTHING was cramping, every muscle I used to pack up the van ... that lasted all night long, so very little sleep ...

   I managed 377 miles, before I just had to stop ... at a tiny rest area in Nevada, I tried to sleep ...

   not happenin' ! ... I froze my butt off in the back of my non-insulated van, shivering for hours ... that night my tiny little travel trailer seemed like a 4-star Hotel, I'll tell you that !
    
   I could have made it all the way to my spot in Arizona, but it would be just too irresponsible for me to try ... I was concerned I would get there, and not be able to get back home ... that would really complicate things for my survivors ... 

   knowing your death is increasingly imminent gets pretty weird sometimes ... you find yourself more concerned about responsibility to your loved ones, and less about your own plans ... maybe that's just the way it's supposed to be ... 

   I do know, if not for feeling responsibility for my girlfriend, I would simply just keep driving, and die somewhere on the side of the road, I mean, who cares ? ... when I was still trucking, I realized I would never 'retire', I would just be found dead in my truck somewhere ... sometimes, having loved ones is a pain on the ass, you don't get to have as much fun as you used to, haha ...

   so, reluctantly, I texted my friends in Arizona, explained I was just too beat up to make it all the way down, and returned home ... I felt terrible, going home with my tail between my legs, but it couldn't be helped ... 

   the timing for the trip couldn't have been better, as for once, my relatives were all going to be home during my visit ... heck, I even have it on good authority, that Sybil heard I was coming, and took a bath !

clean & shiny !
    I have not yet decided what to do next ... I just CAN'T sit in the recliner, and rot away ... I rushed my AZ trip to fit into a slot between Dr. appointments, tests that mean nothing to me, and friends that would soon be leaving the desert - after all, it was getting HOT down there ! ... while I was freezing in Nevada, I knew I would be sweating like a pig the next day in Arizona ... the hot & cold changes were really gonna be hard on me ...

   so, while a road trip to Illinois & back MAY be do-able, to play it safe, I have to re-consider a possible train trip ... but first, I have to rant !  (I love to rant, as you know) ...

   first, and foremost,   AMTRAK IS A DAMNED DISGRACE !!! 

   there are 3rd world countries that have better train situations than we do, here in America ... I will admit, they seem to have gotten better about arriving within a few hours of the scheduled time, but that was never a serious concern to me ... you can only go so fast on the roller-coaster they call a track ...

   but, there is no excuse for the rudeness of AMTRAK employees ... they are in a class by themselves (a low-class, to be sure) ... they have their comfy Guvment jobs, (subsidized by the taxpayers), so they can do anything they want, and NEVER get fired or punished ... I won't go into the instances I have both observed, and been involved in, here, but I despise AMTRAK employees, even the ones I've never met, that's how bad they are ... RUDE, RUDE, RUDE ! ... is it so hard for them to be courteous to you, while they're ripping you off !

   (an old lady asks the A-hole working the 'snack counter' to reheat the lukewarm food he just handed her from the microwave - "nope, we're only allowed to use the microwave ONE time per purchase, no exceptions ") - what a load of crap ! ... I mean, what the hell does the old girl expect for her $5 'grease-on-a-bun', anyway ? ...

   AMTRAK - another FAILED Government Program ... 

   OK, rant over, I'm done (for now) ...

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