still kickin' !

    it's Wednesday, noon, and I'm sitting here in front of the computer again ... thought I should update ...

   after 5 months, and a few days, in the hotel here in Chico, Kalifornia, we have finally landed an apartment ... a 2 bedroom downstairs apartment in the CITY ... the CITY ! ... I left the city about 35 years ago, I thought to never return ...

   grrr, I'm not a city dwelling flatlander, let alone a downstairs type person ... I imagine we will be directly beneath the main ballroom of the local 'heehaw dancing academy', or something ... I ranted and raved at my loving wife (she who is to be feared), about the noise from above, but since she is the one that will be carrying in the groceries, etc.., she easily won that contest ...

   it's frantic around here, and she is doing an admirable job rounding up all the helpers, and renting a truck, etc. ... we really don't have a lot to move, the hospice will be delivering my hospital bed and equipment ... they have been outstanding !, and even after the fire wiped them out, they have pieced them selves back together to take care of us broke down old fogies ... I am absolutely no physical help, but I've taken care of arranging the cable internet hookup, and hopefully we will be able to cut the cable on our TV needs ... 

   since we're close to the city, I hope to pull in the networks, at least, with an indoor antenna ... I plan on using something like internet Sling TV, or something similar, for additional channels ... we're looking at probably $65 bucks a month with these options, a lot of money, but still better than the $150 a month we've been paying ... Cable TV is just such a ripoff, but options are limited ... I hope this antenna, and internet streaming setup will be practical for us ...
    
   I just received a few e-mails from my old grade school friends, that was an unexpected surprise ! ... thank you very much, I will try to respond to them before I kick off, haha ... 

   we plan to move this weekend, and the internet should be hooked up next Monday, after that, I will try to start responding ... it was very nice to hear from all of you ... 

healthier days

                                                        

   as I opened this Blog up a few minutes ago, I was astonished at the lapse since my last entry ... I knew it had been quite awhile since I have last posted, but I was floored to see its been 11 months, roughly ... not exactly what you would call a prolific writer ...
   
   wow ! ... as they say, time flies, but especially as your life is winding down to a close, evidently ... it's been a frantic year, with my life expectancy passed long ago ... my precious Chicago Bears had the excellent season I have been predicting, but was always out of reach with the dire need of a driven Coach to lead us ...

   I am still alive, blessed by the Lord, and protected by my loyal and loving wife ... these days I am almost helpless, bedridden pretty much all the time ...

   I imagine this Blog will be a bit harder to make sense of, as time goes on ... I am heavily medicated, and frequently doze off in the middle of a thought ...  

   I am holding on longer than I would think practical, but when you reach this point, you're naturally curious as to what happens next - a dream I had 4 or 5 days ago, was so beautiful and reassuring, I find myself happier and more secure than I really deserve ...

   well, I've been sitting here an hour or so, and have dozed off a couple times ... this is my signal that I will hit it again when my mind perks up enough to write something hopefully interesting ... wish me luck ... prayers for us all ...

Spring approaching ?

   it looks like Spring may finally be coming, I sure hope so ... it should be in the 70's before the end of the week, and it will be most welcome ...

   I'm hoping to sit in the yard and read, get some fresh air and sunshine, for a change !

   I'm still holding up well, my meds have been adjusted to where my pain is held off, and very tolerable, plus, I don't feel the least bit sedated, or groggy, etc. ... I do doze off frequently, but that's as much from being idle, as anything else ... I'm not bored or anything, but I do spend a LOT of time just sitting and reading ... 

   while I'm so far blessed to have a longer life than my Doctors have predicted, I find myself getting greedy, and wanting just a little bit more, hahaha ... and, that's to be credited to 'da Bears' ! ... another year, another approaching season of hopeful success for my woeful Bears ... makes it harder to tear my self away ...

   this year, like so many seasons past, there is an abundance of change, just enough to give us poor Bears fans hope !

   we have a brand-new Coach and staff, a Quarterback with a bright future (we hope), and some genius moves on the Free Agency acquisition of key players ... 
   so many, in fact, that the rest of the NFL is starting to notice ... odds are, I won't be around to see the season play out, but keep me in mind, if and when the Bears break out with a good season ! ... Lord knows, we are due !

   another situation that has happened too frequently, is that we have one helluva tough schedule coming up ... I just can't make sense of the NFL scheduling, when they talk up 'parity' among the teams, and then schedule the long-suffering Chicago Bears against the toughest teams in the entire NFL ! ... not whining or complaining, just pointing out the facts ... when the Bears win, they definitely EARN it !
   
   'da Bears' are in for one helluva battle all season long ... we should receive some sort of 'never-give-up award', or something, just for showing up to play some of these teams ... but, I have a good feeling that some of the NFL's 'top-tier teams' are gonna be the ones to have some embarrassing games ahead when meeting 'da Bears' ... 

    go ahead, get your laughs out of the way now, because 'da Bears' are gonna be young, fast, and dangerous this year ! 

   

oh yeah, it's gonna happen !

watching the world spin ...

   I'm still alive, and still doing relatively well ... my cancer has grown, and spread around the body more ... that's what cancer does, so I guess I would have to say, all is going well ...

   my new bride has been an absolute angel, and takes very good care of me ... it's amazing how the good Lord has provided me with someone that loves me enough to put up with a crazy old fool, with not much to offer ... gotta say, I have really lucked out !

   I'm still feeling pretty good, I really can't complain ... I'm still getting around, and able to function for the most part ... I haven't been outside the apartment for a couple months, I guess, but that's OK ... the weather is looking more like Spring every day, so soon I will be able to sit outside, maybe even go for a short walk to our mailbox ... I love where we live, it's almost like a little park setting ... quiet, clean, and peaceful, I am very, very fortunate ...

   I am a rich man ... I have everything I need, and the sense to know I don't deserve any of it ... that's been the way things have gone since giving my life over to Christ, my Savior ... 

   oh yeah, I'm a real Bible-thumper, alright ... it's easy to be a Christian when you know you're dying, I won't deny that ...

   the best part of the whole situation for me, has been the fact that I have loved the Lord for a long time, well before I got the cancer, and saw my clock running down ... 
   
   I know the timing doesn't matter to Him, but it makes me feel like a little less of an opportunist ! ... mine has not been a 'foxhole salvation', but those are every bit as legitimate as any other, I'm sure ... so, if you feel an urge to accept the Lord, don't drag your feet, go for it ! ... there's nothing to gain by putting it off, and everything to gain by getting an early start on it ... accidents happen all the time, don't get caught up short ...

   whew ! these long-winded sermons are tough on my typing finger, I probably should give it a rest ... I think I will fix something to eat, and watch some TV, (I have the day off)

'da Bears' have added some very promising Free Agents these
last couple days, maybe THIS will be our big comeback season !
   
  

                       I sure miss this girl !

                                    soon ...

 

still hanging around ...

   yes, I'm still alive, still hanging around ... I am starting to feel more like a cancer patient lately, pain is increasing, and in more locations, but still under control ... 

   despite my pain meds, I'm completely clearheaded, and lucid ... the other day, Fentanyl patches were added to the recipe, and while I soon felt the difference it made , within 24 hours, I felt perfectly normal again ... evidently, the pain meds are balanced out just about perfectly ... I have enough medicine in me to fight the pain, but not so much as to affect my overall well-being ... 

   anyway, the old clock is beginning to wind down, and that's OK, has been expected for quite awhile ...

   our weather has been gorgeous lately, quite Spring-like for this time of year, I'm loving it ! ... sunny, and high temps in the upper 60s and low 70s, I will take all of that I can get ! 

   I occasionally get photos of Sybil from my niece ... Sybil is in wolfie heaven now, as there's some snow falling in central Illinois ... Sybil LOVES snow and cold weather ... with that heavy coat, I don't blame her, she is definitely dressed for hard weather ! ...

   I would really love to have one of her big warm, hairy hugs right now ! ... I am so grateful for the time I had with her, as well as my other dogs ... they were all major contributions to my life, no doubt about it ... the Lord sure knew what he was doing, when he designed the dog to keep us company ... man's best friend, you betchya !
   

just chillin'

    let's see, what else have I been doing lately ? ... oh yeah, almost forgot, I got married ... I GOT MARRIED !!!!!   hahaha, yes, after almost 13 years together, my girlfriend, Loralee, finally broke down and agreed to let me marry her ... I'm sure glad she did, too ! ...

   because of my poor health, we got married here in our tiny apartment so I wouldn't have to travel ... my Pastor, Doug McMaster and his wife Sharen, drove up and performed our service right here in the living room ...

   and, it almost didn't happen ... 

   just an hour or so before our wedding, Loralee drove to the store to pick up the food ordered for our little reception, and while she was gone, disaster struck ... 
   waking up with a headache that just wouldn't go away, I started out on the wrong foot right from the beginning ... before I could even feel it coming on, I immediately broke into a cold sweat, and the room started spinning ... by the time my fiance walked back in the door, I was almost unconscious ... we're talking VERY sick ! ... a few minutes later, our handful of guests started arriving, and I looked like hell, let me tell ya !

   Pastor Doug began the wedding ceremony, while I stood, too weak to even hold my head up ... his wife Sharen stood beside him whispering, "hurry, Doug, hurry" ... it would have been funny, if it hadn't been so desperate ! ... after the first couple lines, I had to sit down, just couldn't stand up any longer ... my Loralee grabbed a chair, and sat right next to me while Pastor Doug finished our wedding, and it was well worth the effort ...

   I will always regret Loralee not getting a more conventional wedding, but nothing about me is ever normal, I think she is used to that by now ... she sure is a wonderful wife, and I thank the good Lord for her every day ...
  

not done messin' up, I even had my eyes closed !

   isn't that something ? after almost ruining the entire Wedding, I couldn't even keep my eyes open ! ... but, Loralee's smile was just too beautiful to pass up, so I had to use this photo !  (I was daydreaming how lucky I was) ... yes, that IS a Chicago Bears shirt, what else ?

     

    

above ground, and new plans ...

    as usual, I'm still alive, and kicking ... nothing has changed much, my cancer is still taking second place to the pain meds ... 

   the pain is more frequent, of course, and worsening, but the meds are keeping it bearable ... 

   my girlfriend of 13+ years has finally accepted my marriage proposals, which is great for me, I am very, very happy to hear her finally say yes ... so, on the 27th, we are getting married here at our apartment by my longtime friend and Pastor ... it is really nice of him and his wife to come all the way here to do our wedding, it is MUCH appreciated ! ... 

   I feel kinda bad that I'm cheating Loralee out of a church wedding, but going out would just take too much out of me, I'm afraid ...  the one time I had to go out a few weeks ago, it really beat me up, I felt wornout for a couple days after ...

   so, we will cram eight people into our tiny apt., and make the best of it !

   the last few days, I've been getting a little apprehensive about making it till the 27th, as things have been accelerating, but I think I'm gonna be OK a little longer ... after all is said and done, it ain't up to me !

   I was thinking, what a great ring bearer Sybil would have made ! ...

    

just wake me when you're ready !

   
   I will try to post up again after the wedding, and if my shy, blushing bride will allow, I will put up a pic or two of the nuptial festivities ...
 
   thank you, Loralee, you have made me happy, and I love you,
        

                               

against all odds ...

   here I am, still pluggin' away ! ... against all odds, I'm still alive, and doing pretty well, considering ...

   I can feel myself slowing down, and every now and then, I get a pang of sharp pain to remind me of the cancer ... but, overall, my painkillers are keeping me from suffering, and while I've felt better, I can't complain ...

   as the pain worsens, my meds are bumped up gradually to compensate ... right now, I am taking ten Methadone pills (100mg) every 8 hours, and I have liquid Morphine for 'breakthru' pain, which is squirted under my tongue with a little syringe ... it doesn't seem to work as good as the Methadone, I have had to bump the dosages, beginning at 5mg per dose, to 15mg now ... probably by tomorrow or the next day, I'll be up to 20mg at a time, and can repeat that hourly for now ... 
   I try to put off the dosage increases as long as feasible, no sense in building a tolerance any quicker than necessary ...

   liquid Morphine tastes nasty, for sure ! ... 

   I usually smoke some pot a couple times a day, which has been a pretty reliable substitute for the morphine ... I'm surprised by that, actually ... I've smoked pot my whole life, well, over 50 years, anyway ... while I have had a Kalifornia Medical Marijuana recommendation from a Dr. for several years, I never really thought of it as a good painkiller, I used it more to fight depression (which was an EXCELLENT use for pot, in my case at least) ...

   so, I have been surprised to actually experience pain relief from my pot use, sort of a bonus ... I keep accurate notes regarding my drug usage, including the pot, and was surprised to see that after smoking just a pea-sized bit of pot, that my morphine use is stretched out to maybe 3-4 hour intervals, rather than almost hourly ... plus, it cheers up my overall attitude, rather than just an opiated, dull sedation ...

   watching the news this morning, I see that old Nazi Jeff Sessions, Attorney General of the United States, is once again calling for harsh punishment of the dreaded potheads, wants to cram all the old laws down our throats again ... 

   how much cash in political 'donations' do you receive every year from the big pharmaceutical industry giants, Jeff ? ... 

   Jeff Sessions is seriously trapped in the 19th century, or something, there's just something medieval in this clown's way of thinking ... if he has his way, I will only have heavy opiates for pain relief, no matter what I prefer ... when President Trump chose that idiot for AG, I almost gagged ... 

   ah, well, at least I am on my way out of this crazy mess, my worries are almost over ... the good Lord has so far seen to it that I have good care, from the outstanding help I get from my Hospice nurses and aids, to my supportive family, and most of all, my dear girlfriend, Loralee ...

   she has been deathly ill the last 10 days from this flu or whatever it is, that's going around, but her only concern is that she's been too sick to be waiting on me hand and foot ... 

   the best part, it gave me a chance to finally wait on her a little bit for a change (but, she doesn't get as 'needy' as I do, she's a lot easier to care for !) ...

                 ***********************

   Chicago Bears news: 'da Bears' suck !

   at least, after the worst seasons in our long history, 'da Bears' have fired our lameass Coach, John 'I never saw a game I couldn't lose' Fox ... I was afraid he's never leave !

   the Bears are now interviewing coaching candidates, and none of the names mentioned excite me ... well, Jon Gruden was my hoped-for candidate, but the Raiders offered him $10 million+ per year, and part ownership of the team, so I suspect their problems are over for awhile ...

   I'm gonna stick my neck out, and make a prediction for our next Head Coach ... since our Gen. Mgr. Ryan Pace came to us from the New Orleans Saints, and has been shaping the Bears in that mold to some extent, I am going to predict that Pace will bring Saints' Offensive Coordinator, Pete Carmichael Jr. to the Bears ...

   that's logical, and would be following the plan of grooming our rookie Quarterback, Mitchell Trubisky for the future ...

   good luck to 'da Bears', they're gonna have to go get a Super Bowl win without my help, but I will try to watch from the balcony ! ...

                   ***********************

   I'm only still alive with the Grace of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, no doubt in my mind ...

   

                   

   
             

   

still alive ! ... again, and again ...

    well, contrary to recent episodes, I AM still alive ! ... but, a lot has been going on since my last post ...

   my last few attempts to enter a new post were blocked, evidently because I was using a wifi connection from my hospital room ... it had objection to my 'server', so that's my best guess ... back home now, it's working for me again ...

   every month I have a general checkup with my cancer Dr., run blood labs, and get an 'Xgeva' shot ... 'Xgeva' is a very expensive shot that does a pretty good job of preventing the cancer from further invasion into bones ... I previously had a large cancer tumor that had eaten away most of the femur, to the point of it close to breaking the rest of the way ... now, I have a titanium rod from hip to knee, to reinforce it ... the '6 Million $$ Man', haha ... 

    anyway, after the appointment, I went to the local COSTCO store, where I get my prescriptions filled, they are WAY cheaper than anyone else around here (for example, they charge me less than $40 per month for my morphine pills, compared to other pharmacies that are anywhere from $120 - $250 for the identical scrip), it's just crazy how much the prices vary ...

   since it's a narcotic drug, I have to 'walk' the prescription in, it can't be faxed, etc., so after driving out to my Dr. for the papers, I have to drive back to COSTCO, and wait while they fill it ...

   I arrived at COSTCO feeling just fine, I have been in very good condition lately, but I still wait and grab one of the little electric carts they provide for us cripples ... after dropping off my scrip at the pharmacy window, I ride back to the stacks of bottled water, and lift a couple large bundles into the front basket of the cart ... while they are pretty heavy, I felt no discomfort lifting them in, and returned to the pharmacy desk ...

   about 1/2 way there, suddenly it was like I was stabbed in the area of my right kidney (or, where my kidney WAS, as it was removed a few years ago, victim of a large cancer tumor), man it HURT ! ya hear me ? ... BADASS  PAIN is the best way to describe it, like a big hunting knife was plunged into my back ... it flat took the wind out of me, and I was doubled over on the cart ... someone came up and asked if I was all right ... 

   naturally, so as to not sully my Superman rep, I said "I'm OK", and drove on ...

   getting near the pharmacy counter, it hit again, and this time, when someone asked if I was OK, I said, "I'm gonna need an ambulance" ... to hell with this Superman crap ! ... 

   maybe it was a Kryptonite knife ??

   thank God, it seemed like the ambulance got there instantly, and took me to Enloe Hospital in Chico, CA ...

   there I spent the next 8 days in Intensive Care, while a tumor in my adrenal gland was bleeding internally ... that was the cause of the pain, they said ... I'm guessing when I lifted the cases of bottled water into the cart, the strain must have burst the tumor ...
   emergency surgery was performed to place a stent in some artery feeding the kidney, I guess ... the theory was the increased blood flow may clot quicker, and slow the bleeding ... or, I would quickly be dead ...

   with the bleeding probably slowed, I was kept in Intensive Care for 8 days, where they treated me very well, Enloe Hospital was a very good place for me to be, no doubt about it ...

   after I was considered stable, I was sent to Paradise, CA's Feather River Hospital Hospice ... Feather River Hospital, you may remember, is the most hated medical facility I have ever in my life been subject to ... and, I've been in a LOT of hospitals ...

   just to be clear, the regular hospital part isn't too bad, (I give it a 5), but their Emergency Ward division is a disgrace that seriously needs to be shut down ... that's not just my opinion, there have been a few Doctors on staff there over the years, that have made efforts to clean it up, but never followed through ... 

   that brings us to their Hospice ... the Feather River Hospice is a strong 11 on a scale of 10 ! ... they are priceless , and the Doctor in charge of the Hospice, a Dr. An, is a wonderful man, human being, and Doctor ! ... truly, I cannot say enough good things about them in general, and Dr. An in particular ...

   I was in their Hospice unit, a separate facility altogether, it is several blocks away from the hospital on their own grounds, etc. ... it has 6 rooms, 6 terminal patients at a time, with around the clock care that is second to none ... I was there for 3 weeks, 22 days, I think ...

   feeling I was once again stable, I was released to go home for in-home hospice care ... when signing me out, Dr. An told me I was admitted from Enloe with a prognosis to be dead in 2-3 days ... I was unaware of this at the time (I mean, they could have just asked me, hahaha) ... actually, I have felt a LOT worse before, and survived, so that surprised me ...

   now, I am once again home, living with my wonderful, loyal and reliable girlfriend of over 12 years, and she takes super care of me ... (from Superman, to Super Care !) ... 

   I've been home just over a week, now ... I haven't been out of bed much, as I'm a bit wobbly, and the last thing I need, is to fall on my ass ! ... 

   I'm on a morphine pump that supplies me constantly, plus a button for an extra burst if needed ... also I'm on methadone, which is a pill ... we are slowly reducing the morphine dosage while raising the methadone dosage, to hopefully get me off the pump, and onto the pills ... much more convenient, it's a drag with these hoses and wires dangling off me ... 

   I'm doing real well so far, the methadone relieves the pain and leaves me much more clear-headed, while the morphine makes me dopey and stupid (now I know how Liberals must feel) ...

                ********************

   a couple days ago the Pastor of my church volunteered to help me sell my dear van, 'Lucille2', my prized toy, I loved that van ! ... I said when I bought it, it would be the last vehicle I'd ever own, how's that for accuracy ? 

   after driving it to town, he called me up, and said he wanted to buy it ! ... I can't tell you how happy I am to have him wind up with her, as I was sick with the thought of selling my beloved van to a stranger ... friends that know me, know how seriously I took the maintenance of my van ... while I am a slacker when it comes  to waxing and polishing (stupid, I know, it's like cosmetics come second to maintenance with me), I do my best to help them run forever, I can't afford to buy replacements, ya know ? ... it's sure been a great truck, just turned 80,000 miles, almost all highway, and never abused ...       never, ever ...

   I prayed for a long time for the Lord to help me sell my van, as the proceeds from it are all I have to leave to my girlfriend ... she certainly deserves it, just for the way she has stood by me, and all she has put up with ... and, truth be known, she hasn't even gotten to the really bad part yet ... it's no fun watching your loved ones die of cancer ...

   true to form, HE has taken care of me again ... again and again, throughout my life, I have dodged death and tragedy, with no other explanation except for the Lord's protective love of me ... I will always be safe, always cared for, and He has a plan for me that I trust in completely ... I couldn't be more serious about that ...

   as usual, my simple 'post' has turned into a novel, so I'll try to pick it up again, later ...

                         ******************

   I'll keep trying to post the day-to-day adventures of a dying wildman, hopefully I won't encounter any more difficulties signing in, etc. ...  we'll see ...

   

DO IT ON YOUR OWN TIME !

   yesterday, Sunday football really saddened me ... while normally I am excited to watch my Chicago Bears play horrible football, (led by one of the NFL's most inept coaches), yesterday was just plain depressing ...

   yeah, it's only my opinion, and football players definitely have the right to protest, bitch, or whine, whatever they want to call it, but dammit, DO IT ON YOUR OWN TIME !

   I'm just an old truckdriver with opinions that matter to no one but me, but I would like to watch a damned football game, without having to see overpaid, multimillionaire jackasses showing disrespect to our country's anthem and flag ...

   while they get paid millions to blow out their knees and damage what usually barely qualifies as a brain, our armed forces lay their lives on the line for these clowns' 'right to protest' ...

   by the way, the NFL is the only major sport that does not require in writing that the players will stand for the anthem,      only Roger Goodell's chickensh*t mis-management of the NFL permits this disgrace to continue ... not familiar with Goodell ?, just look in the dictionary under 'greed', his photo should be there ...

   the players absolutely have a 'right to protest' whatever they want (no matter how ridiculous), but DO IT ON YOUR OWN TIME ! 

   if I parked my truck to join in a public demonstration of any kind, my ass would have been fired on the spot ... 
   matter of fact, back in the 1970's it wasn't uncommon for attempted 'trucker strikes' to pop up here and there (in the old days when truckers had a set of balls) ... of course, our employers made it clear our jobs were trashed if we participated ... 

   they told us " if you want to protest something, fine, but DO IT ON YOUR OWN TIME ! " ...

   I'm not sure exactly what my Bears were thinking - while none of the Bears players took a knee or otherwise disgraced themselves, they did stand together with arms locked, etc. ... 

   not sure if that was just a different way to protest, or what, but I miss the days when the only football controversy was whether or not the running back stepped out of bounds ...

   'da Bears' won quite the upset over the Pittsburgh Steelers, an overtime victory that stunned everyone ... 
   BUT, I couldn't enjoy watching it, it didn't give me any good feelings, because the mood was already ruined by the stupidass protesters ... the Steelers stayed in their locker room, not coming out for the anthem ...

   ONE Steeler came back out to the field to stand for the anthem ... Steeler Alejandro Villanueva, a 3-tour Mideast war veteran, U.S. Army Ranger, and HERO in my mind, returned to the field to honor his country ... he caught hell from Pittsburgh's Head Coach Tomlin for doing that, which is also pathetic ...

   I suppose none of this really matters, as I don't base my moral standards on what some spoiled 'football player with a college degree in jockstrap design' has to say ...

   there is not one single person in the USA that doesn't already have rights guaranteed him by the law, so people, remember the soldiers that died to guarantee our rights, and GET OVER YOURSELVES ! 

                  ***************

   in other non-news, I am doing OK, considering ... I am now just over one year past my 'expiration date', and I'm beginning to feel it more ... 

   while I still am blessed to have only manageable pain so far, I have no energy at all ... my days consist of going from my bed to my recliner, and back ... I need to polish my van up and see about getting it sold, but I just don't have the energy ... 

   my girlfriend takes very good care of me, waiting on me hand and foot, and that just makes me feel worse, knowing how hard she works all day long, only to come home and wait on me ... I do what I can to help out, but it isn't much ...

   in the long run, it's all OK, the Lord has my back, and I really don't have anything to worry about ... 

 

   

still vertical (when awake) ...

   yes, I'm still alive ... in fact, I don't feel too bad for the most part ... most of the reason for that, is I am not currently taking any cancer drugs ... 

   my cancer Dr. pulled me off of the 'Sutent' I was taking, too many side effects ... the Sutent was a LOT easier on me than the 'Votrient' was, however ... the Votrient put me in the Emergency Ward every time I took it, where the Sutent only raised my blood pressure, for the most part ... but when it started making me short of breath (I would wake up gasping, like I just couldn't breathe in enough air, felt like I was suffocating), it was yanked ... anyway, no more Sutent ...

   in a couple weeks, I expect to start taking my third type of oral chemotherapy ... 'Axitinib', it's called ... like the others, it has pages of side effects, and like the Votrient, I'm not supposed to touch the pills with bare hands ... if I was to shake hands with somebody, they could get sick, I guess ...

   can't touch them, but I'm supposed to swallow them twice a day ... go figure ...

   as of last week, I have outlived my 'expiration date' by as much as a year ... September, 2015, I was told I had 12-14 months to live, which was echoed by another cancer specialist last December ...  

   just like me to be stubborn, and not cooperative ... since I have been refusing most of the treatments they recommend, I don't have any problem giving all the credit for my longevity to the Lord ... I've felt better ever since my church prayed for me, and I have several relatives and friends praying for me every day ... that's all appreciated, to be sure ...

   I still have no qualms about dying - I mean, we ALL are gonna take the big dirt nap at some time ... it is just so much easier to handle, when you leave it in the Lord's hands ... 
   maybe just another way for me to shirk responsibility, haha, but I'm comfortable with it ... when my time's up, it's up, and meanwhile I am very happy to report I am not suffering from the typical horrific pain most cancer patients suffer thru ... 

   I am truly grateful that Jesus has so far spared me the worst  physical pain  (it's a good thing, I'm a big sissy when it comes to suffering !) 

                                           ***** 

   I never, ever thought I would be alive for another season of 'da Bears' ! ... unfortunately, the Bears are rebuilding, and while we have added some outstanding players for the future, it's 'their' future, not mine ! ... unless, I continue to puzzle the cancer Docs ... 

   I thought about praying for enough life to get me to another Bears Super Bowl Win, but that's being pretty presumptious ... 
   even knowing God is a Bears fan, I can't presume He has THAT much patience ! ...
    
   'da Bears' started off our BRUTAL 2017 schedule by having to play last year's NFC Champion Atlanta Falcons, the same team that lost last year's Super Bowl to the Patriots ...     

   our schedule is ridiculous - I can't understand how, as BAD as we were in 2016, we would draw the top-shelf teams for this season ... it is really brutal, at least the first several games ...

   nevertheless, the Bears outplayed the Falcons, our Defense kept their #1 Offense from having their way, and our Offense (limited by 'slow-motion Quarterback Mike Glennon') was more than capable enough of beating the Falcons, IF 'da Bears' tired excuse for a Head Coach, John 'Old and Scared' Fox, would have brought in our exceptional rookie Quarterback in the second half ... 
   
   but, he didn't, and we lost 23-17, with a final stand a couple yards from the end zone, with 4 opportunities to score, TWO short touchdown passes were dropped, with our star running back watching the finish from the bench ... great coaching, dimwit !

   meanwhile, rookie QB Mitchell Trubisky is sitting on the bench, supposedly this entire season, to 'learn' ...

   sorry, I don't want to rush a rookie QB into games where his inexperience will get him killed, but there is nothing to 'learn' watching Mike Glennon play ... Glennon plays like he is sleepwalking, everything he does is S-L-O-W ... there is zero enthusiasm to his game ... 

   Trubisky, on the other hand, has an exceptionally quick release, a fast read of the Defenses (for a rookie, anyway), scrambles like a running back, and has a powerful, ACCURATE throwing arm ... he stands in the pocket absolutely fearlessly, then scrambles right or left and launches laser beams to his receivers ... he is exciting to watch, the kid has everything except experience, and he won't get that from watching slo-mo football ... 
   I really hate to give props to a cheddarhead Packer player, but watching Trubisky play, is like watching film of Aaron 'Boy' Rodgers in some of his best plays ... he is really that good ... throwing accurately while on the run is his style, and he is really sharp at it ...

   barring injuries (and Quarterbacking for the Bears can get ya killed), Trubisky looks like a future star - Pro Bowler, Hall of Famer, all of the accolades, he looks that special !

   of course, I won't be here to see it, but y'all will, and remember where ya heard it first ! 

  

future star Mitchell Trubisky signs with 'da Bears'

   ok, now that I got this out of the way, I can go back to sleep ! ... I sleep a LOT these days, sometimes in bed, usually in the recliner, but either way, I'm not up and around much ...

   gotta be rested up for the Big Sleep, right ?